LUMPLANDERS > theories & information
Theories and evidence regarding the existence of Lumplanders
Theologians have faith in the theory that the Lumplanders were brought into being by a single factor: Lucky’s Lump*.
*Lucky’s Lump was the purulent mass of tissue that was removed in 2005 without consent from the compassionate canine, Lucky. A symbiotic relationship was brutally severed and the wayward lump bore multitudes of needy Lumplanders in search of their symbiotic partner.
Metaphysicians haven’t theorized about the origins of the Lumplanders, but have commented on the nature of their existence. They believe the Lumplanders exist in and out of time. Within time dehydration temporarily suspends their existence and water is the agent that activates them, an ongoing cycle complicated by pollutants in the waters. Out of time they don’t exist per say, but it is speculated they can shed their being by eliminating all toxic materiality and immateriality, freeing the Lumplander from existence without residue. Whether the Lumplander has the awareness and will to free itself from this cycle or not, the metaphysicians are divided in opinion.
Ecologists and Marine Biologists believe the onset of the first Lumplanders came in 2010 from El Bruto sea spill* off the Gulf Coast of Mexico. They believe the underwater cataclysmic union yielded a virulent form of lumpy life called Lumplanders.
*El Bruto sea spill was the 2010 catastrophic wreckage of a medical and war waste cargo ship in the toxic current of the BP oil disaster.
**UPDATE…reports coming in on mass migration to the sea. Marine biologists are finding that marine pollution and debris (specifically automotive and some architectural) comprise the new dwelling and propagation places for the Lumplanders. A new species of coral has also been discovered in these habitats.
Epidemiologists in collaboration with Political Scientists have reported a contagion visited upon human populations worldwide* via the puruloid fear engineers within controlling governments. They believe fear is the transforming and mutating agent which has caused a pustulation of the population into lumpen masses of submission they call Lumplanders. Aggressive Lumplanders** have set up quarantines to isolate the infected within the Lumplander community, emulating their so-called progenitors.
*Epidemiologists have refrained from calling this pandemic because of their possible link with the fear mongerers.
**Aggressive Lumplanders are a highly infectious strain fostered by greed and power.
Physicists have stumbled upon groundbreaking evidence that a progressive group of Lumplanders has successfully created the first double concavicone, the ultimate distiller and transmuter of time, space and matter.
Sociologist and Technologist teams working together have discovered entropic social-clusters of lumpish techno-meld life forms that can be traced to technology obsessed and dependent humans. They believe these beings comprise a growing segment of the Lumplander population.
Psychologists have released findings that link Lumplanders to the psychic clumps* produced by factory-farmed animals. The prolonged stress and suffering that they endure before their demise is so great that these psychic clumps are created as a relief valve bursting into the atmosphere, as well as into the butchered flesh. These clumps flourish in moist environments.** The term “lump” was adopted on the advice of a linguist colleague because of the sticky “c” between psychic and clump.
*These clumps are similar to those produced by human victims of violence and war.
**The moisture triggers cell memories of the tears shed by the animals in captivity.
Biologists have found no evidence of a sexual reproduction system in the Lumplander. The proliferation of the Lumplander population is believed to be either asexual or originating from another non-Lumplander source (see new evidence by marine biologists).
- all info compiled by Darinka Bresanovic, cryptobiologist